Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. Just get out Stan. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. 2. I also think they pretend to be happy. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Doing that just causes me to be resentful of her, and the fact that Im now reduced to doing this nasty little juvenile thing for myself. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. When we had our kids he was so mad because the babies got attention from me and thought when home they should take back stage. But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! The less stressed she is, the more free space she has in her mind to devote to all things naughty. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. There are many reasons for vaginal pain, if indeed thats what shes experiencing, and getting the right medical help is essential. Hes had issues with porn for a long time. Also, look into the idea of responsive desire and make sure you understand it. Wow!!! Because I am not attractive to her. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. Tall. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. But now living with you is not what she thought it would be and she closes shop on you. I spent 36 years with a man who I was never good enough for and now in a relationship with a man who loves me and is so kind. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. I only wrote this, to just say it. Lets face it, as women age, many lose sex drive, along with experiencing a good number of other sexual problems. With my wife it was menopause. I domt have to put up with that. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. The one thing she always wants when she touches me is that I come on her tits.which I love. Our marriage became almost sexless in 2006 when our 17 year old son was killed in an accident. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. i feel for you my spouse stopped being interested in sex 20 years ago at my age 51,for many years we had some extrem arguments and are still having them,,, to no avail what do you do. she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. Try a new sexual position, make more of an effort to engage in foreplay, or introduce new outfits or props into your sex life. there is NO physical connection PLUS no sex. Take the good with the bad. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. Id never treat him as she does! Weve been married for 26 years, she is 51, and she has had maybe 4 years total where she was interested in sex. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. In this case, you can turn the tide for your sex life by simply becoming more involved in running the household and making your wife feel special by going the extra mile toreduce her burden. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Where is their allegiance to you? I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! We enjoy our company, share similar hobbies, have a lovely family and house, like to travell together, share chores ( I make a gourmet breakfast every Sunday) dont really have financial issues apart from the normal stress episodes, and above all we love each other dearly or at least we say it all the time! If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. That lie: its not important, only if you want it. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. Ive just seen this ,not sure when posted .ive tried so hard to get wife to have sex .she says menopause.then I gave up.but other we I had a beer and told her how I felt .silly beer a..so she been trying to start sex but my body has closed down to her .im worried ive turned off to her mentally.I do love her but shes noticed im not getting aroused like I used too .and now shes saying I prefer porn, but its how ive got by for so long.its really .mested up.im 53sorry. He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. I literally want sex daily and extremely sleep deprived because many nights I am rock hard all night long. About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. Nothing, I mean nothing, kills a relationship, a marriage, a union, more thoroughly than complacency and boredom. He doesnt even like to kiss. Same exact situation here its a living hell! If Im doing the very best I can and feeling pretty good about things, ITS NEVER ENOUGH. I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). The difference is that men feel selfish and entitled, as if sex is only for their pleasure, something women do for them, hence the phrase put out. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. You have to find a life without him. Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. No one wants to talk about it. In the real world things are very different. I dont look my age at all! 1. He (so far) said no. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. And somehow we have convinced ourselves sex has become less important to us as we age and replaced by the comfort of just knowing we love one another? "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. . I am at my wits end. There is some offensiveness directed towards men but I can benefit from your observations. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. For me and many others, this is a serious problem and we are, well, desperate for solutions. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. It has been 5 very long years for me. We cant really talk about it because the very subject causes her great depression because she feels like its all her fault and that she is failure as a lover. Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. I just gave up. this.page.url = PAGE_URL; Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today Guys. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. I am 62 and my husband is 63. Over 12 years no sexual contact. Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! And please dont tell me counseling. I hear you bro. If shes willing, find a therapist who will help you and your wife talk about this and really listen to each otherand if she wont go, go on your own. "Anatomically and physiologically, decreasing estrogen and just plain aging cause potential problems for our libido," Hardwick-Smith writes in her book. That never goes away for most women or men. I love her more than anything in this world. Just shows how woman dont know anything about other women. She has just lost interest. I feel so much pain amd resentment!!! Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. As Gopa points out, the reasons can stem from resentment to communication gaps or personal issues. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. I wish I would catch my wife cheating or even semi cheating. First, that every interaction will be based on trust. I NEED an active partner. Its just torturing me for no reason. Its is not your role. I understand. Your wife avoids intimacy because she feels neither desirable nor sexy. Should I ask her what our sex future will be? Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. If you're feeling rejected sexually, spice up your appearance. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? Its ridiculous. What to do about it: Make sure your wife knows you see her as a sexy beingcompliment her often, give her simmering kisses and affectionate touch, and do these things without tying the gestures to requests for sex. We went to separate colleges and this was before cell phones and computers. Sadly so, leave! . So much hurt involved, and guilt. Someday I might take a sex vacation overseas. The only difference is that if we separate I will not have the van!! We were both virgins when we married. But we didnt know what we had. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. I want to have a joyful life not just be comfortably numb. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. So not. I am not willing to live the last 15-20 years of my life without affection, at least. I dont understand. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. Do they shrink with age? Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. So, while some continue to coax and prod their spouses to get them in the mood, others resign to fate and either make peace with a sex-starved existence or look for gratification elsewhere. Unfortunately I dont, as it seems were merely friends but certainly not lovers! Weve been married 27 years, sex My wife never trys to turn me on or initiate sex. please If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. I rest my case. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. Many health issues can affect a woman's sexual desire, from diabetes to chronic pain conditions to cancer. Without going into details - I am 100% certain that it was satisfying for both of us. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. I havent found a way to replace that feeling of a man. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. Tell her how much I love her. 5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100Tampa, FL 33609(813) 222-8300, Copyright 2022 Family First, INC. All Rights Reserved.Site Design by Design Extensions, 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. I am 53 and my wife is 55. But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. You and your husband need to take some hours to reconnect, or try to reconnect, with the people you believe yourself to have been when you first fell in love with each other. And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! We try vaginal sex sometimes but even lubing doesnt help all that much. I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man. If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. I gotta stop coming here and reading this. State your case to your partners. Who sacrifices? For me she is the best woman I have ever been with. Invariably, its a case of emotional intimacy missing. We both have health issues Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. Only 50 at wits end, I dont want to start over, but I dont want to go another 10 years like this either, I cant talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didnt work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable, Between the undesirable side effects of the meds I take for depression and the unfortunate consequences of menopause, my sex drive is just dead, and I neither care nor have any desire whatsoever to revive it. I go where I want and do my own thing, theres no where are you going, screaming and name calling. That killed it for me. I love him and am a bad lier, so using masturbation as a release. Dont hold it against her. But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. Im pretty much in the same boat. Her body, emotions, and mind were changing. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. The precursor for any affair is emotional intimacy, says Gopa. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. I just CANNOT do things he EXPECTS from me because of how that makes me feel, ESPECIALLY when it comes to intimacy. My hubby is one happy camper. I have done the majority of housework including doing the major role of raising our children from Pre school to leaving home. A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. Estrogen levels drop while a woman is transitioning into menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness and cause sex to be painful or just downright uncomfortable. But here I sit.pissed off. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. Feminism has a lot to answer for; there seems to be too many mismatched females being vocal, when this has been a male affliction to be saddled with an undersexed female. I am going to be 42 years old!! An undiagnosed, underlying medical condition can also be the reason for a decreased sex drive. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. Only you can decide if this is right for you. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. What does it mean when your wife doesn't show affection? Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. My husband has no sex drive at all. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. Youve both gone so long without sex together and without understanding each other that it isnt an easy fix. Honor us with attention and physical contact. But the reason is sexual attraction. Is it so horrible if I want to snuggle with her? Tell her that you love her. I am partly replying and partly commenting on the many very earnest and difficult sexless relationships discussed here. Haha Im not going to belittle my husband and make him feel less of a man when he is the one with impotence. It is more like a revenge. If us men were all so lucky! Wife Doesn't Want You To Touch Her? (Understand its Meaning) Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me: 24 Warnings & Ways To Win Love 2nd doctor also said the same thing. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. Sex is supposed to be for the mutual benefit of both partners, not one person using the other. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. If you notice your wife acting awkward or becoming extremely tense when you try to touch her, it means she is not liking the fact that you are being physical. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. Get your answer. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. Sure I wish I could be confident in her skin too but Im not going to let it overwhelm me. Add to that some other longstanding unresolved low sex drive and relationship problems caused by their mate (me) in the past, and strict un_affectionate anti_sex parents in her upbringing. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. I guarantee most who do this will start feeling like a sex machine. As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. This whole situation sucks for all of us. Ive been teaching this to other young men for some time. How should I phrase it? . I am dry (we tried lubricant) and hes small (always been, but seems more so in his 60s) and he doesnt get or stay very hard at all. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. She may begin to stop seeing herself as a sexual being as she assumes the role of mother, a role that society often strongly desexualizes. At this stage, you may be right about getting help. Look, not to give your hubby a pass here, but please, understand that most men in our country, we who were raised in the 50s. I became completely numb to anything. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. Sorry. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. This causes them to shy away from physical intimacy. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? 57mwm here. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. Thats it, you said it thats what the woman loves. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. I am afraid Buck is correct. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. The scenario you posited is anything but. Q. Menopause and hot flashes have taken my sex life away. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. Drugs and orgasm. We seem to have fallen into a marriage without sex. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. 2 children later sex was still fun. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! Then it was more of a hurry it up thing.
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