If you drink, dont drive. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Dirty Golf Sayings. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Because all the other four letter words were taken. In case he gets a hole in one. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Why do golfers hate cake? I give the ball some sweet talk. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Their fore-fathers! I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Wodehouse It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. I give him the driver. nay I my child, and eke, oh! H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. After 18 holes I can barely walk. The most important shot in golf is the next one. I like to go low. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures Golfing? Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. You need to adjust your grip. Their expectation, however, is very different. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Damn, girl. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Why dont skeletons play golf? Bye Bye Birdie. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Lee Trevino. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. I play Bass. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Bruce Lansky. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Whats the difference between golf and sex? These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! no! "Golf is like a love affair. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! In case he gets a hole in one. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Golf is very much like a love affair. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Just in case they get a slice! Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Photo: Shutterstock. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Sawdust City LLC. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. At the golf corpse! Spread your legs a little more. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Golf is the easiest game in the world. My three keys to success: One, work hard. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Its just really hard to play. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? And now it will be poisoned for you. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Always keep learning. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. 100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns P.G. Because her coach was a pumpkin. 21. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Lift your head and spread your legs. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. 19. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? Lee Trevino, 59. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? when we were married," said the pouting wife. Which is the easiest golf stroke? The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Why not! It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Is everything okay?. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. 20. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. You look like someone who likes to swing. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Whos there? Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. We have a threesome, care to join us? Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Sir W.G. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com the flag cant jump. but I can show you what is! Your fifth putt. Learn More. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Please read here for more information. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Mini Golf Captions. All of them. ~ Victor Hugo. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Golf?! He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. I chipped in from the rough! Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. They dont have the heart for it. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. They have been there where we are standing now. What do golf and sex share in common? They have a hard drive. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away I like big putts and I cannot lie. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Your second mental problem is concentration. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. About 160 yards was his reply. And it matters how we go about attaining them. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Whos there? It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. 3. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Because he walked into the wrong club! Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. 2. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". First and foremost, you must have confidence. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. 3. One minute youre bleeding. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? 2. 1. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Wodehouse, 31. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? I've got some good news. The battle that raged inside each players head. Bruce Lansky, Author. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Besides that, I love to explore. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. 2. fodrizzle. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Hi there! "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Peter Jacobson, 33. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. The threesome were curious what was going on. course sometime. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. had to choose, right ? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Are you into kinky stuff? What is a golfers favorite bird? Choose Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Nothing. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Knock, knock Required fields are marked *. Here, have a carrot! Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Your email address will not be published. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Get in the hole! But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. 4. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! clubs. Please add a link to this site. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Twelfth son of the Lama. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Two rounds a day are plenty. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); . So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. 3 of 10. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Thats incredible. Dirt your body. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. 6. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic.
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